Afflictions: The Curse of Ian Spatchcock
Martin Gooch
6 mins
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Synopsis
I made this film in a day and a half, and consider it a bit ‘basic’ but it then went on to be a winner with BBC New talent, and a lot of people confusingly, tell me it is there favourite film. Not bad for £70.
No, please! I mean, Oh dear! I sat there looking at this thing and was, indeed, increasingly curious about Ian’s problem. I was a captive audience. I began to pick faults in Ian – a no hoper who has the ironing board next to the armchair next to a great ugly stereo speaker. And he’s a smoker too. These days we watch smokers with some disgust. How can they do that? But then, of course, poor Ian has a problem. He has to get into a dreadful protective suit every time he wants to go out. What is the problem? Ah … I see. This perverse film is an excellent dig at those ghastly, manufactured, reality TV programmes that morbidly fascinate us with the vilest of everything that Homo sapiens can get up to in his nasty, brutish and short little life. Enthralled we watch from our stinking couches. And the irony here is that we really could not watch anymore of Ian and his affliction, unless of course we … well I won’t go into that … and we don’t have to because, mercifully, the film ends. Gosh! I really must think of an idea for a short film.
What a punchline!